Dirty Rotten Number

Dirty Rotten Number is a song featured in Goodbye. It is performed by Jack Harmon and Mitchell Mason as Jack walks through the halls of McKinley, saying to goodbye to members of the glee club that have interacted with him (positively and negatively) during his time in high school. The song was originally performed by John Lithgow and Norbert Leo Butz in the original production of Dirty Rotten Scoundrels.

Context
Jack and Mitchell sing this song as a way to say goodbye to one another and to close the book on their quasi-mentor/mentee relationship.

Lyrics
Jack: ''You may be master of your chosen occupation; with several strings of Polo ponies in your stable. You must remember, all the same, that at the crux of every game, is knowing when it's time to leave the table.''

''And it's important to be artful in your exit - No turning back, you must accept the con is done. But now and then, you might recall the moments when you had it all - You had the charm, you had the talent and, my God, you had some fun.''

''It was a ball, it was a blast and it's a shame it couldn't last, but every chapter has to end, you must agree. It was a joy, it was sublime, a splendid way to earn a dime for a dirty rotten guy like me.''

When you look back on all your conquests and deceptions, you see a thousand flawless pearls set in a strand, laid out from Biarritz to Rome, each one as perfect as a poem - An opus to be proud of though it's written in the sand.

''It was a ball, it was a thrill, you had the grace, you had the skill to know exactly what to say and what to do. You wouldn't trade a single day or have it any other way - A dirty rotten guy like you.''

Mitchell: It's almost a religion - the need to take a pigeon - and to play your part with elegance and zest.

But when it's time to fold the act and your duffel bag is packed, take comfort in the fact that you've been working with the best!!!

''It was a blast, it was a ball; it was a gas, I loved it all! 'Cause I was hanging with the man, and that's a plus.''

Jack: Aw, Bambi. You've got the verve -

Mitchell: You've got the guts -

Jack: You've go the nerve -

Mitchell: You've got the nuts!

Jack: I guess we're...

Jack/Mitchell: ...dirty rotten crooks...dirty rotten shnooks -

It was a trip, it was a blast, and it's a shame it couldn't last 'cause it was almost too prodigious to discuss.

Jack: So we get screw for fifty-grand -

Mitchell: I think we still deserve a hand!

Jack: Nice hold.

Mitchell: Thank you.

Jack and Mitchell: Dirty Rotten Guys - Like us!