Talk:Impossible Odds

I can't wait to read it. Sparrowsong 17:15, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Aww, Chloe and Finn are so cute. Sparrowsong 17:55, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Alright. Now that you've got more of the story up, I shall CC you.

You're off to a nice start. Not perfect, but not bad either, and pretty good for a fanfiction. I've read far worse. Chloe is a bit Mary Sue-ish; I recommend you revise her and take this test.

It seems rushed. I think that instead of focusing on dialogue and character descriptions, you should describe the surroundings. Don't overdo it, like Vampire Diaries (nobody wants to hear about Elena's long, waist-length, silky, pretty, attractive, gorgeous, hot, beautiful golden strawberry yellow blonde-colored perfectly flawless angelic princess locks and her deep, beautiful, warm, happy, smiling, sweet, pretty, violet-flecked, jewel-like, sapphire-blue eyes every time she is mentioned!), but the readers should be able to get a good picture of what the surroundings look like. I could help you with this. I'll even be your editor, if you want.

You should probably mention Aaron before Chloe just suddenly declares her crush on him. We don't exactly know anything about him right now, except for being her crush.

Take the romance S-L-O-W. Make sure they're good friends before they're madly in love and would sacrifice their own life. Heck, 13-year-olds shouldn't be madly in love with each other at all - they should just date and have crushes. That's probably Stephenie Meyer's biggest mistake in her romance writing - the boy and girl are indifferent to each other, then six pages later, POOF! They're soulmates!

And remember: show, not tell. Show that your characters are in love, don't just say they are. Otherwise, it won't be believable.

Overall, I'd give this a B-. Keep up the good work! Sparrowsong 20:21, July 3, 2010 (UTC)

Oh, joy, I love Sexy Back! XD I think you should include the scene where they sing it. Also, Quinn's a little OOC, you may want to make her a tiny bit nicer. 'Cause she's supposed to be catty, but not too mean. And don't you think there would be a little awkwardness between Chloe and Finn, since they haven't had any contact in 8 years? But overall, not bad. B. Sparrowsong 17:01, July 5, 2010 (UTC)